An Experiment in Presence OR A Call to a Whole Lotta Nothing
By Sarah Cook
Summertime. When you were young. What do you remember
I remember riding in the bed of a pickup, two hours to a lake, and my hair was so tangled I had to use peanut butter to get the knots out. And as soon as we got to the lake I jumped right in, watermelon slice in hand and juice all down my neck. I remember the smell of old, moldy grass under the plastic baby pool because we left it in the same spot a few days too many. I remember yelling into a box fan in our living room. I remember a lot of idle time, just doing a whole lot of nothing.
A few months back, I went to a conference on the Epidemic of Loneliness. Around 200 wellness practitioners from all sorts of fields gathered to learn about what is causing us (Americans) to feel lonely. The message was this: despite all our technology, capabilities and options to connect - potentially more than ever - we don’t feel connected. Many, a record number in fact, feel isolated and apart. From our loved ones, from nature and most of all from ourselves.
Driving home that day, I just kept thinking, do I feel connected? When do I feel connected? And when I do, what is happening?
Then the inner defense, back and forth, justifying of what’s keeping me from connection.
I’m busy.
I’m tired.
I have to social media this for that reason.
Everyone else is busy…
We’re so funny, we as people. We can really argue for whatever we want and find a million reasons to believe ourselves. And then sometimes you just get tired of your own shit. And look to those who are wiser than you are.
Mary Oliver said it: Instructions for living a life. Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it.
Ram Dass said it: Be Here Now.
Timothy Leary said it! “Tune in, turn on and drop out.” Something like that but obviously, acid only if you want it.
And sure enough, it’s the first thing we learn in yoga; meditation; cooking; sewing; singing; kicking a ball; playing guitar; making love; having a conversation; driving a car; baking a cake…absolutely anything: presence.
So my experiment was this. Could I start small? Ditch my phone, at least sometimes, see what happened and go from there? Could I invite in more presence and more connection to my life because that sounds like joy, and that conference broke my heart a little.
I stopped checking my social media in the grocery store line. I said good morning to the morning and sat on the front porch with only a cup of coffee in hand. I left my phone in the car when I took my dogs for a walk.
Just a week of that, y’all, was wild. I started to feel like I had breathing room. I felt like someone had handed me a few extra hours every single day.
And then:
I journaled a lot. I said yes to weekly Friday walks with an already-close-but-man-it-would-be-great-to-be-closer friend. I pulled out my paints and finished an old painting. I had a few funny conversations with people in line at Trader Joe’s. I took off four days to have a girls’ weekend at the beach. I said some really honest things to my partner. I had a breakthrough in therapy. I got rid of a few bags of clothes. I sat at the pool and learned how to clean out my washer in an old Real Simple.
I know it sounds like I started doing a lot. I guess I did. But you know what, every bit of that was joy. It was connecting. It was presence. And not once did I feel busy.
I felt like I got handed a big ol’ piece of myself back. What a gift.